Saturday morning, I woke up early, and Hallie was crying.
I crept over to her and scooped her up. She immediately quieted down, so I sat back down beside Flynn, who was still sleeping. I yawned, looking around groggily at the different surroundings. Flynn had probably been up more through the night, based off of the fact that he was still asleep, and I felt a pang of concern.
I brushed the hair from his sleeping face and rested my hand on his shoulder, a little worried about his pale face.
After awhile, he did get up, squinting at the light. And so then I knew why he was so pale.
"Morning," he said, with a gravelly voice.
"Morning, hon. Still have a migraine?"
"Naw, it's-"
"I'll get Tangled Fan to see if she'll mix that paste up for you or give you some medicine." I started to stand, but he snagged my arm gently, shaking his head.
I touched his face and realized his skin had gone clammy and sweaty. I gave him a small smile and turned to go, Hallie still in my arms.
I scaled the shelf and then went over to the chair, which Tangled Fan was sitting on, watching the guinea pigs.
"Flynn's still got a migraine, could you please mix up something for him?" I asked. She nodded, scooping me and Hallie up, and she deposited us on the shelf again before she headed out.
I walked over to my husband, and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "She'll be back in a minute."
He shut his eyes and nodded. It killed me to see him have these awful migraines...
She came back with the world's smallest dosage of Excedrin, and then warned me that if he didn't start feeling better within the hour, to let her know right away.
I led him over to the wicker chair and tried to keep my shaky hands under control. "I'll check up on you in an hour, okay, hon?" I said quietly.
He nodded, staring at my hand a few seconds before he took it and held it tightly for a minute. Then, I heard the babies start to cry, so I went with Merida to pick them up.
Sitting beside Merida, I took Hallie.
"He's got a migraine?"
I nodded. "It's a bad one this time, too.."
"So that's why you're so pale."
"I am?"
She nodded. "Everything will be fine, don't worry."
I gave her a small smile.
Rayne came over and took Hallie from me, just as Jase was waking up.
She came running over to me and I caught her into a hug.
"Morning, baby girl," I smiled at her.
"Morning, momma! Why's Daddy look so sad?"
I glanced over my shoulder and saw his eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes squeezed shut. "He's got a really bad headache. So we all have to be really quiet and not yell or anything, okay sweetie?"
She nodded. "He'll be okay, right?"
I gave Merida a sidelong glance.
"Of course he will be!" Merida said cheerfully.
"Why don't we play, um....tea party or whatever you want to play?" I asked, trying to take both my mind and hers off of the migraine.
She excitedly bounced off my lap and sat beside "Aunt Merida".
Including Allie and Blondie, Jase excitedly taught us how to play her special tea-party game.
Next time I glanced at the clock, an hour had passed.
I stood up and put my hand on Flynn's shoulder.
"How're you feeling?"
He didn't meet my eyes. "A-awful..." His voice was faint and gravelly.
My heart started pounding. I started to go run to find Tangled Fan, but when I turned around to leave, Flynn grabbed my hand. "No. She'll just...I don't know..b-but she'll...just stay with me, please."
Well, gee. Way to make someone feel better by asking them to stay with them. Usually, good outcomes never come from that. But of course I obliged.
It happened that Tangled Fan was on her way back anyway.
"You're not any better, are you?" She held her hand out.
He shook his head and my heart thudded so hard against my chest, in fear, that I thought I might pass out.
"Okay. What we're gonna do is this. Come with me, and I'll take you to a separate room where there's hardly any going in-and-out of anything - people, dolls, animals, nothing - and I'll record your sleep patterns to see if that's what's causing the migraines. Once you start onto a good sleep pattern and are getting them less, I'll keep you for awhile to ensure that's the problem and that you get used to the pattern. This could take anywhere between one week and a month, just depends." She explained, and by then, every inch of me was shaking.
"What if that isn't the p-problem?" I asked quietly.
"We'll go from there if it isn't."
Flynn looked up at me, trying to give a brave smile, but his furrowed brows told me he felt awful.
"I'll be able to visit him, right?"
Tangled Fan shook her head, and my stomach dropped. Up to a month without seeing him?
"Why don't we go now and get you settled for tonight," Tangled Fan suggested, and I pushed away the tears stinging my eyes.
"G-give me a couple minutes." He whispered, and she nodded, leaving. He stood and looked me in the eye. "Will you be okay?"
I nodded, even though I didn't know if I would be. "Everything will be fine. If you can get freed of these dumb migraines, I'll be so glad."
"Me too," he said, giving me a weak smile.
So what was I waiting for? I grabbed him into a hug, as tightly as my arms could hold him.
He bent to give me a kiss, and I hated so badly for that kiss to end. When he started to pull away, I leaned in to return it. Eventually, though, we had to pull away from one another.
He held me out from him just slightly, and slid his hands up and down my arms. "You're sure?"
I tried to give him a brave smile, but I could feel the corners of my lips shaking and twitching. Real convincing smile there, not. He smoothed my hair and I thrust myself towards him to hug him again, putting my head on his shoulder and breathing in the smell of his shirt.
He turned to sit down, and I still held onto him tightly. He took Jase and Hallie into his arms and hugged both of them, too.
"Jase, you be good for Momma," he told her.
"I will, Daddy!" she said. "I love you! Get better soon!"
And that's when he broke down. The lump growing in my throat grew bigger.
Tangled Fan came in, and I took the kids from his arms and gave him one final kiss on the cheek. He started to reach down as if to give me a last kiss, and I started to turn my head towards him to receive it, but then Tangled Fan whisked him up.
Taking in a shuddery breath, I gave a small wave, trying not to meet his eyes. If I looked at those eyes right now, I'd cry like a baby. And I didn't need to cry in front of the girls.
When Tangled Fan had left the room, I sat back down with Jase; Blondie took Hallie, and we continued our tea party.
I tried to keep a smile on my face, and tried to keep my mind on what Jase wanted to do, but my thoughts wandered several times. How was Flynn doing? Was his migraine getting better? Worse? How long would he be away? What if that wasn't the problem? What if there was something very serious going on? What if...
Jase suddenly cuddled against me, and I realized she had fallen asleep. I scooped her up and gently laid her down on the chair; the babies were already laying there, sleeping.
Then, I looked up. I saw our marriage ribbon, dangling from a spare doll stand that had been tossed up on the edge of the shelf.
I took it in my hands, sat down, and stared at it, holding it tightly. I remembered our wedding day. How uncertain I'd been about marrying him. If we hadn't gotten married when we had, would he be headed for the Dumpster by now, instead of this? Would he have been ripped away from me like the girls had been? One day I would've woken up and gone to visit my fiance, and found him gone? Was this how Flynn had felt, before we were engaged, and I'd been taken away to fix my arm?
My head swam until I felt like I was drowning.
Merida came over, knelt beside me, and told me everything would be okay.
And then I just lost it.
Merida hugged me, and Rayne came over and slung her arm around my other shoulder, too. I put my arm over my eyes and sobbed.
"What if he's...he's really sick or something?"
"He'll be fine." Merida said.
"And what if he gets worse or s-s-something?"
"He'll be fine." Rayne told me this time.
"How can I miss...him s-so bad?" I sobbed, shaking all over.
"Because you love him," Rayne said in a strange tone.
I felt stupid. He'd only been gone for, like, five hours. And how would I deal with the rest of the time he was away? Up to THIRTY DAYS?! It sunk in that he'd be gone longer than we'd been married, and I started to cry harder. I considered how embarrassed I'd been to have him celebrate every week we'd been married. Now I realized he wouldn't be here for our one-month anniversary. He wouldn't be here to comfort me when something stupid made me cry or whatever. I wouldn't be able to be there for him if he had any more migraines during that one-month period. I wouldn't wake up cuddled in his arms every morning until the end of August! Oh gosh. That made it sound horribly far away :(
I wouldn't see his cute grin. His silly jokes. His silly attitude around Jase. That would all be gone for that month. Jase wouldn't have her Daddy for a month. She looked up to him so; I had no clue how I would deal with her constant questioning about when he'd be back - I knew she would question about it. How would I keep her from being worried? How....
"Momma?"
I jumped and wiped my eyes quickly. Merida and Rayne pulled away from me and the three of us looked at Jase as if we didn't know who she was or something.
"What's wrong, Momma?"
"Oh, nothing, sweetie." I tried to smile at her.
She climbed up into my lap and rested her head on my chest. "You miss Daddy, don't you?"
How did she know? "Um...a little bit, yeah." More like a LOT.
"How long will he be gone?"
"A long while."
"He'll be back though, right?"
I told you she'd interrogate me.
"Yes, he will be." What if something seriously wrong was the matter and he was just tossed in the Dumpster before a proper goodbye was issued? I would just die if that happened.
"Well.." she thought for a moment. "Then instead of being sad, why not think of all the things you want to do with him when he comes back? That's what I'm gonna do. Time'll fly if you do that!"
Smart, this child was. "You're brilliant, sweetheart. You know that?"
She grinned at me with those little dimples. "Do you want to learn how to play another game?"
If it kept my mind off of things, I'd do anything. "Sure."
Hallie started crying, so I picked her up and held her whilst I listened to Jase teaching me how to play another game she'd made up.
We did this until darkness crept in around us.
Jase yawned and climbed up into my lap to hug me.
I hugged her tightly in return. "Love you, baby girl."
"Love you too, Momma!" She smiled at me.
"Why don't you sleep with me tonight?" I offered, hoping to have her beside me. I needed that so much now. Please say yes please say yes please say yes....
"Nah...I like my chair," she said.
"You sure?" I smiled at her, hoping she wasn't just being polite or something.
"Yeah, Momma! Night," she said before climbing up into the chair.
Allie was already asleep on the chair, and Hallie was fast asleep as well. I laid her down beside Allie, and went behind the chair to sleep. But I couldn't go to sleep.
So I found Tangled Fan's iPod, found some mood-appropriate songs, and listened to them, with the earbuds close to my head so I could hear the music without waking anyone else. Eventually, I did turn the iPod off, when I started to feel drowsy.
As soon as I put the iPod back, the darkness wrapped me in a hard, unwelcoming hold. I sighed, picking my way back over to my spot, and laid down on my side and just prayed that Flynn would make the world's speediest recovery and he could come back soon. Like, less than a month soon...Preferably by tomorrow morning, but beggars can't be choosers, I suppose. Rather, desperate dolls can't be choosers of how quickly their spouses can come back home. All my tears were gone, and I had that awful feeling when you feel like you need to cry, but you can't, and so you just sit around feeling miserable. I have no idea when I finally gave in to sleep.
Well...I suppose I'll keep you all updated. I'll see if I can pry some updates out of Tangled Fan, but I doubt if I will be able to! :(
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