Fostering part 2

Saturday afternoon, we went back to finalize fostering plans.  When we got there, it was chaotic.  

FOUR other girls were there - three were younger, one was a Barbie model, probably around fifteen; and then there was Jase, Allie, and Hallie.  Two of the three younger girls were chattering incessantly, the babies were screaming, and I almost turned around and left.  

The three younger girls turned towards us.  The dark-skinned girl waved at me, but the other two just seemed more concerned about their conversation.  

I said hello to the fifteen year old, and she smiled at me; but turned away and left.

Jase saw me and Flynn and came barreling over.  "I knew you'd come back!" she squealed.   "You're gonna be my momma, right?" she held her arms up and I scooped her up.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and I didn't have the guts to tell her it was just fostering for now.  I leaned my cheek up against her hair and couldn't help but smile at her sweet innocence.  Flynn patted my back and offered to take Jase.  I handed her over to him, and he grinned down at her.  She  promptly began chatting with him about how happy she was that he was going to be her daddy, and I her momma.  

I started to go towards the babies, to try to calm them down, but the young, dark-skinned girl stopped me.  "Hi," she said shyly. "I'm Janet.  Are you here to take Jase home?"

"And the babies too, probably.  Just fostering, for now," I smiled at her. 

"I'd love to be fostered. You know, I've been stuck in a box with those two practically all my life.  They're really mean to me..my plastic carrier might say 'wee 3 friends', but it should be 'wee 2 friends and 1 outcast'." She looked down at her feet.  "I'm good friends with Jase, though.  She's a cool little kid."

I nodded, and suddenly, she brightened.  "Could you foster me, too?  I'm a really good kid, I'll do whatever you tell me to do.  I promise!" 

My heart squeezed.  I felt so bad for this poor girl, too; and not to mention the fact that I was taking away her only friend!  I put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at me hopefully.  

"I-I don't know, Janet.  You seem like  a really sweet girl, but this is the first time I've ever become a mom.  Truth be told, I just got married on Thursday!  I'm just not sure I can take on four - I'm not sure I can take on three!"  

She looked back down at her feet.  "I understand," she whispered, before going back over to the other two girls and sitting down.  

I busied myself by going over to Allie and Hallie.  I scooped them both up, and bounced them in my arms until they started to calm down.  I was beginning to feel overwhelmed.  How would I ever take care of three kids, two of which were babies that needed so much attention?! 

As I was pondering this, slightly frantically, Flynn came over and put a hand on my shoulder.  In his other arm was Jase.  "You okay?"  

"Just feeling a bit overwhelmed, that's all," I attempted a brave smile.  

And then Janet came back over.  "You need all the help you can get, right?  I can help!  I took care of these two babies most of the time when they were in the box.  Here, let me take them from you," she said.  I held them out carefully towards her, and she tried to take Hallie; but her arms were stiff and unbendable.  Her smile wavered, but then she managed to get Hallie on her one hip, and Allie on the other.  "See?  I can help.  I promise I'll help!  It'd only be for a few weeks, Tangled Fan said so.  Please?  I promise I won't be much of a bother."  

I put an arm around her and glanced up at Flynn, who nodded.  

"O-okay."  I said.  

"Oh my goodness, really?" her whole face brightened.  "Thank you!  Thank you so much!  Thank you thank you thank you!"  

"Alright," I chuckled.  "Go get your things, if you have any." 

She nodded, taking the babies with her.  Flynn set Jase down so she could do the same.

Then he swept me into his arms.  "Should we be doing this?" I asked. 

"Look how happy you made that girl.  I think we should.  Besides, it's probably not permanent for all of them."  He smiled.  "And I think you'll make a wonderful mom."  He glanced around to make sure nobody was watching, and bent down to give me  a quick little kiss.  

After that, Jase came racing over and he picked her up.  Janet came back over, too, with the babies, and we all left for home.  

Once we were home, Flynn and I took our customary spots at the edge of the shelf.  Janet took the little whicker chair, and I finally managed to get the babies to go to sleep.  Jase was off playing a made-up game with herself.  The shelf was starting to feel just a bit crowded.  Flynn took my hand and looked at me, but I was looking away. I still wasn't so sure we should have done this.

"Hey," he whispered. 

When I only glanced in his general direction, he leaned over and gave  me a kiss.  

"Everything's gonna be alright, hon."  he said.  "You'll see."

Suddenly, Jase came over.  "What'cha do-o-oin', Daddy?" she asked.

Flynn turned away from me to talk with Jase.  That's what I was a bit concerned about.  Yeah, Jase needed all the attention she could get; and I was fine with that - it's just that I was hoping for some alone time with my new husband, before we decided to have kids around.  I know we went wayyyyy too fast this time, but there wasn't any way to change it now.  

I unbraided my hair, stood up, and went over to behind the lamp to curl up and go to sleep.  I was just falling asleep when I heard the babies wailing...again.  

Getting up and trying to wipe my disheveled hair from my face, I picked them both up and swung my arms back and forth in an attempt to quiet them back down.  

"Shhhhh, sweeties.  Go back to sleep," I said, but my voice was cracking.  I had hardly gotten any sleep since Wednesday, because between the excitement over the wedding, and now this, I had been too worked up to go to sleep. As the babies wailed, tears started to streak down my face, too.  What had I done?  I knew it...it was a bad idea.  This is what happens when you go too quickly - you end up being a mom before you're ready, and when you're not ready, you just can't handle the stress.  

Finally, the babies stopped crying, but I knew that the second I would put them down, they'd cry again.  So I just stood there, kept my face from Flynn so he wouldn't see me, and let the tears run silently down my face.  

Eventually, I decided that the babies were sleeping soundly enough that they could be laid back down for a little while - if I was lucky.  

When I turned to set them down, Flynn was standing there. 

"Hey, gorgeous."  he grinned at me, and though I felt butterflies at his mere smile, I grumbled at him to shut it.  

Instead of letting me push past with the babies, he caught my into a one-armed hug and kissed my hair.  

"Lemme go.  Please?  I need to set them down.  My arms are going numb, for goodness' sake!"  I tried not to snap, but I couldn't help it.  Sleep Deprivation + Four Kids + Two Sreaming  = Grumpy, Emotional Rapunzel.  

He let me go, but as soon as I laid them down, he swept me back up.  

"I just got Jase to go to sleep," he whispered.  "What's the matter?"  

I almost said, 'what do you think', but I tried not to be hateful towards him.  It was half my fault for agreeing, anyway.  I didn't want to admit it to him, but I was pretty sure he knew anyway.  

He gently wiped my cheeks of tears, and I spilled everything to him.  Why I was so overwhelmed.  Why I was concerned.  Everything.  

We stepped out onto the 'deck' and walked a ways so that we wouldn't wake anyone up as we talked.  

When I was finished with my lengthy speech, he took me into a tight hug, which made me cry harder.  

"I just don't know why, Flynn.  I was never cut out for this.  Maybe we shouldn't have gotten married.  You want kids, and I do, too, or at least I thought I did, but now I just feel so overwhelmed. I should've said no, but I thought it would be fine, and I didn't want to disappoint you. Maybe you should have married someone who could actually take this stuff in stride!  You probably think I'm a total nut.  And I'm a horrible mom!"  

"Hey."  He talked through my hair, because his cheek was laying on my head.  "Don't ever say we shouldn't have gotten married.  I love you, and only you.  It's overwhelming, yes.  I can totally understand that - you've gone from an unmarried doll to married with four kids, in less than a week.  I'm so sorry that I rushed you.  We could talk to Tangled Fan and see if we could stop fostering, if you'd like.  And don't ever worry about disappointing me  - with a wife like you, I could never be unhappy for long."  

Talking into his shoulder, I said, "No!  We can't stop fostering.  It would be so confusing to those poor girls.  One day, being fostered by some nutcase and a loving husband, and then the next day, not having a family.  Those kids need us, or at least you.  They probably could do without me."  

"You know what that just told me?"

"What?"

"You're a fine mother.  A horrible mother would have jumped on the opportunity to send them packing, again.  And you know what Jase said to me earlier?  She said that even though you 'sure didn't seem to understand how to be a momma, you were sure trying hard and she loved you anyway'."  

I sobbed.  "The poor little thing, nobody's ever wanted her..."

"And that's why she needs you too."  

I nodded, loosing a shuddery sigh. "But what if we never get to have time to ourselves?  I mean, I don't care that we didn't get to have a honeymoon, but I would like to be able to actually talk and have a bit of alone time once in awhile."  

"I promise that we'll work something out, because I want that too.  Tomorrow we'll talk about it, and we'll figure something out, okay, hon?"  

Sniffling, I nodded.  "Gosh.  I feel stupid.  What doll cries over becoming a mom?"  

"More than what you probably think," he pulled away from me just enough to smile down at me and to wipe my tears again, and then he pulled me in once more.  

"I love you," I whispered.  "I'm sorry I was a jerk earlier." 

"That's fine, I get it." he said quietly. "I love you too.  More than you know."  

We just stood there, then, in complete silence and in each others' embrace.  I guess I must have fallen asleep like that, because the next thing I remember is him laying me down carefully behind the lamp, brushing my hair from my face, and kissing my forehead before laying down beside me...for a couple seconds, and then getting back up because one of the babies started whimpering.  

I started to sit up to go get the baby, but he turned back around, eased me back down and told me to go to sleep, and that he'd handle it.  I gave him a tired smile, and then I was out like a light.