Hey guys...sorry if I seem a bit mean, but I need to blow off some steam.
So this morning, I was awakened by Rapunzel, who was frantically shaking my arm.
It ends up that Jase, Allie, Janet, and Hallie were all gone.
We searched for them for close to two hours. Then, Rapunzel, Merida, and Rayne went off to search the 18 inchers' dresser.
I paced along the deck and worried for awhile. But then I decided to keep searching for awhile.
It took those three several hours until they came back, and by then, I was back pacing the deck.
I saw my wife coming up the deck, and I stood still, trying to suppress my hopefulness.
But as she neared, I saw her red-rimmed eyes and she was biting her lip. I almost lost it, and my face crumpled. I did manage, however, to keep from bawling.
After that, Tangled Fan came walking into the room, waltzing through as normally as ever. Told Rapunzel that Janet and Allie were adopted, Hallie was pending, and Jase had been carelessly tossed into the Goodwill bag.
Rapunzel looked like her knees just crumpled underneath her. She buried her face into her knees and sobbed.
I walked over to her slowly, gathering my thoughts and composure. She needed me right now. Needed me not to be a complete mess.
"I'm so...sorry...I-I should've told her we wanted to adopt them. And n-now they're gggone!" She sobbed, and I bent to gather her in my arms.
"Shh. It's okay." I reassured her further, carried her to the shelf, sat down, and held her on my lap.
She finally began crying. Sobs wracked her body and I wondered if she could actually hurt herself from crying so hard. I held her close and rocked back and forth. I really struggled to keep from crying..but then I broke down and let a few tears loose.
She pulled away from me and looked at me, and I didn't meet her eyes. She put her tiny hand on mine. "I'm so sorry. I c-can't believe...I can't-" She started crying again, and I pulled her back in to my chest.
I tried to reassure her that everything happened for a reason, and that everything probably would turn out okay.
She pulled away and looked at me. I tried to muster a brave smile, but it was shaky. I wondered if Tangled Fan would've done this to me when Rapunzel's arm was messed up - if she would've just tossed her away carelessly, if I hadn't've asked her to marry me. The very thought made me almost cry more.
Eventually, she calmed down and wiped her cheeks. I cupped her cheeks with my hands.
"Everything will be okay - don't worry. You'll see."
"But what if everything ISN'T okay?" She stared at me, demanding an answer.
"It just will be." I pulled her close for a tight hug, and glanced at the alarm clock. It was coming close to 9. "Might as well get some sleep now."
I started to go to bed, and she snorted. "Sleep? Right."
I'd been trying to hard to avoid snapping at her pessimism and sarcasm, but I'd had enough. Before I could catch myself, I wheeled on her. "Your attitude won't help the situation, miss! I miss them too, and I'm trying to be here for you, but you're making it awfully hard!"
My wife threw it right back into my face. "Then don't be! Don't worry about little old me, who has an ATTITUDE! Nobody in our situation would be a little bit pessimistic, anyway!"
That wasn't what I'd said, was it? "I didn't say -"
But she wasn't done. "And how on earth do you expect me to NOT be mad or upset or anything? My children just got taken away from me!"
She started to turn away. I told her to wait up a second, but she held a hand up and refused to look at me. "I'm going up to see Merida."
"Rapunzel. Rapunzel!" I called, but she ignored me and started walking.
I took one big step and grabbed her arm, dragging her around to face me.
"Let. Me. Go." She growled with such fierceness, I wondered where it had come from.
I tightened my grip. "I don't want to start a fight, not ever, and not now. I'm sorry - it's just that I'm trying to keep an optimistic outlook, and I'm trying to keep YOU from worrying, too!"
Worried I might cut off circulation or something, I loosened my grip a bit, and willed my tears to go away. I hadn't meant to start this fight. I knew she was thinking about yanking her arm from me, because her hand suddenly fisted and she tensed her arm. She looked at my face, and I could see her face soften, just a tiny bit. "And I just want to say this. We're at the stage where we might try to start blaming others for what happened, when we really know it was Tangled Fan. And if that happens, I refuse to fight with you or blame you for any of this - you can hate me or whatever all you want, but I won't. I just need you to know that I'm just trying to be here for you, and be the faithful husband I should be."
"Did I say I hated you?" She started to bristle. Again.
"No! I'm just saying that I'll be here for you. Even if you do end up thinking stuff like that. Just listen, honey." She nodded, breathing deeply. Her face was red and tear streaked. I started to cry, but kept on. "It just gets a little hard when you're trying to keep an optimistic outlook, and the person you're trying to keep optimistic...isn't being optimistic! I'm sorry I made that crack about your attitude. It just...I just lost my cool for a minute. And it just takes one sentence, one minute, to ruin a relationship. I don't want that. Baby, I soo don't want that." I let go of her hand and added that if she wanted to go to Merida's, she could.
"No, I'm sorry. You need me as much as I need you right now." She did a little hiccup, and her face was horror-stricken. She pressed her hands on her eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. I miss them so much!" she gasped as if someone had punched her in the stomach.
I stepped over and grabbed her up, holding her as close as I could. She let out the most mournful sound ever uttered, and I started sobbing too, and shaking. I was trying to be the macho man here, and it just wasn't working right now.
She wrapped her arms around me. "Hon..I'm sorry..I'm so sorry. You're right - they'll be okay. Maybe we'll...we'll wake up tomorrow aaand find them all here again. Maybe this is just a...dream." She kept sobbing as she tried to take a breath in.
I put one hand on her head and held her close, putting my head up against her soft hair. Taking several breaths, I tried to calm down.
I guess I must've calmed down, alright. Next thing I knew, I had fallen down and Rapunzel was scrambling to get up off of me.
"You fell asleep. Sorry, but I don't think I can carry you." I knew she was trying to lighten the mood and joke, but I couldn't find a smile anywhere to give her - I wanted to, though. I wanted to feel as carefree as we had been just yesterday!
I sat up, and she curled tightly up against me, putting both arms around me and putting her head up against me. I think I fell asleep before she did. It really was exhausting to be terrified.
Why did Tangled Fan take our kids???? I know they were just fosters, but good grief, ask a doll before you take them away in their sleep!
I'd like to say a lot of things to her, but I know that wouldn't be nice. You can't beat up on someone based off of their level of ignorance, I suppose. But still. Us dolls have feelings too! We're not all like "Oh okay our kids just got taken away. It's fine.". Ugh.
I'll try to keep you all updated..I'm sure Rapunzel will. It kills me to see her like this. If I could find them somehow, I would definitely try to - but I don't think I could. Otherwise, we would have all of them back with us! :[
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