Hey everyone...Flynn here. Rapunzel let me know that whenever I wanted to blog, I could..soo it's late at night and I'm up, so I might as well give my rendition of fostering.
I was on Cloud 9 when we went to pick up Jase, Allie and Hallie. Janet seems pretty nice, as well, and so we ended up getting her as well. here's the link to my wife's complete retelling of earlier today.
Jase is very attached and has a hard time being separated for even a few minutes. The poor little kid.
Well, after we got back home from getting the kids, I sat with Rapunzel for awhile after I managed to convince Jase that it was okay to go play if she wanted to.
Rapunzel seemed pretty unsettled, and would hardly look at me, so I gave her a big kiss to try to catch her attention, and told her it was going to be fine. She had said she was ready and okay with it, mostly, but I have my suspicions that she was super overwhelmed. Going from an unmarried doll to married with FOUR foster kids? Yeah, it might be overwhelming, just a tad bit, I guess. Anyway, then Jase came running over and I turned to her, accidentally letting go of Rapunzel's hand when I did so. Unfortunately, I think that was totally the wrong move to make with Rapunzel, cause she jumped up and left. But I couldn't just leave Jase, could I? So I talked to her awhile.
"What'cha dooooin', Daddy?" Jase asked with a cute little grin.
I smiled at her. She held a stunning resemblance to Rapunzel, and that's probably why I already loved the little girl. I mean, seriously - she has the same dark green eyes, a dazzling smile, and the brown hair that the movie Rapunzel ended up with! Regardless.
"Talking with Momma," I told her. "So, did you have a good time playing?"
"Yeah, I had tons of fun!" she exclaimed, and then dove into an explanation of what her game was about.
Allie and Hallie started wailing, and I glanced around to see where Rapunzel was at. She was behind the lamp, probably trying to sleep - she hadn't gotten much sleep since at least Wednesday night - Wednesday night, I heard the three of them chattering all night long, and even after Merida, Rayne, and Blondie went to sleep, I could hear Rapunzel pacing the floor of the shelf. And then Thursday night and last night, she'd tossed and turned so bad that I had ended up going to the wicker chair so I could sleep. Anyway, since she was trying to sleep, I started to go get the babies, Jase babbling up a storm, but by the time I started towards them, she was already up and holding them.
Finally, Jase's narrative about her game died down. "You know, Daddy, I'm really happy you and Momma took me in. You're the best ever. Momma sure doesn't seem to understand how to be a mom, but I can tell she's trying and I love her anyway. And I love you too, Daddy!"
I gave her a big hug and then carried her over to by the wicker chair, where she finally went to sleep at. Janet was sound asleep on the wicker chair, so I smoothed the hair from her face and looked at her blissful, sleeping smile.
I went over to Rapunzel, who had finally gotten the babies to go back to sleep. She was turned away from me, but she turned around and almost bumped into me. I took in her disheveled hair and said, "Hey, gorgeous." Even with a formerly-screaming baby in each arm, her hair all amiss, and so tired she could hardly stand up, she was still beautiful, and I couldn't believe she was my wife. I gave her a grin, and then she told me to shut up. Regardless of that, she looked like she could use a hug and some reassuring words. Make that a lot of reassuring words. I gave her a kiss in the hair, and she snapped at me to let her go so she could put the babies down.
I stepped aside, and she set the babies carefully down, putting a gentle hand on each of them in turn so they wouldn't wake up again. As soon as she stood and turned, I grabbed her into a hug. I told her Jase was asleep, and then asked her what the matter was - even though I probably knew. When she didn't answer right off the bat, I noticed her cheeks were streaked with tears, so I gently wiped her cheeks.
We walked out onto the 'deck' and went towards the other wall, so we wouldn't wake anyone up.
"I just..." she took a deep breath and let it out. I took her hands into mine and studied her face until she regained composure. "It's just that we're moving too fast. I mean, in the past month or so, we've been moved to a house, taken out of our boxes, gotten engaged, gotten MARRIED, and now we have four children depending on us, two of which need a ton of attention. I just don't know how we can do this. I know some of them will leave eventually, but what about the ones we choose to adopt? I want kids, yes. I know you do, too.
But I was really hoping for some time where we could be together alone, just to talk and be around each other, before we adopted or fostered. I'm just afraid we won't get that now. I mean, we've only been married for TWO days! And I'm like a zombie. I haven't slept well since Wednesday night." She paused, and I gathered her into a tight embrace. She started to cry hard, and I felt terrible. "I just don't know why, Flynn. I was never cut out for this. Maybe we shouldn't have gotten married. You want kids, and I do too, or at least I thought I did. But now I just feel so overwhelmed! I should've said no, but I thought it would be fine, and I didn't want to disappoint you. Maybe you should have married someone who could actually take this stuff in stride! You probably think I'm a total nut. And I'm a horrible mom!"
I felt horrible - I couldn't believe how much I must have pushed her before she finally cracked this evening. But I couldn't cry, because now I needed to be the faithful husband that she needed right now.
I set my cheek on her silky hair and started to talk. "Hey. Don't ever say we shouldn't have gotten married. I love you and only you. It's overwhelming, yes. I can totally understand that - you've gone from an unmarried doll to married with four kids in less than a week. I'm so sorry that I rushed you. We could talk to Tangled Fan and see if we could stop fostering, if you'd like." I paused. "And don't ever worry about disappointing me - with a wife like you, I could never be unhappy for long."
Her voice was muffled, because her head was pressed up against my shoulder - which was getting pretty wet with tears. "No. We can't stop fostering. It would be so confusing to those poor girls. One day, being fostered by some nutcase and a loving husband, and then the next day, not having a family. Those kids need us, or at least you. They probably could do without me."
I was amazed at her sudden burst of refusal to send them back. She really did care for these kids, and she hadn't just accepted them into our 'home' because I wanted to. Then I remembered what Jase had said earlier.
"You're a fine mother. A horrible mother would have jumped on the opportunity to send them packing again. And you know what Jase said to me earlier? She said that even though you sure didn't seem to understand how to be a momma, you were sure trying hard and she loved you anyway."
Her breath caught, and she sobbed. "The poor little thing, nobody's ever wanted her-"
"And that's why she needs you too!"
She sighed and nodded, before she brought up the issue of 'never having time to ourselves' again. I agreed with her, though. "I promise that we'll work something out, because I want that too. Tomorrow we'll talk about it, and we'll figure something out, okay hon?"
She sniffed and nodded. "Gosh, I feel stupid - what doll cries over becoming a mom?"
Although I had no clue, I said, "More than what you probably think." I pulled away from her, smiled and wiped her soaked cheeks with my hand, but then I took her in towards me again. She whispered that she loved me, and apologized for being a 'jerk' earlier. I got the butterflies when she said she loved me. I said it was fine, and told her I loved her too. I know I had already told her that earlier, but she needed to know I was there for her and didn't care if she was a 'total nut'. Which she wasn't, of course.
So then after that, we just stood there quietly, and I still had my arms wrapped around her - she had her slim arms around my waist so tight, I wondered if her life depended on it. I still felt horrible for pushing her so much. I wondered if she'd ever forgive me for it, but knowing her, she likely would - which somehow made me feel even worse.
After awhile, her arms slipped from around my waist, and the only reason she didn't fall over was because I still had ahold of her. She must have finally gone to sleep. I carefully maneuvered her into my arms, carried her back to the shelf and laid her down behind the lamp. Brushing her hair from her pretty face, I kissed her forehead carefully, hoping not to wake her. I was just settling down beside her when one of the babies started whimpering - I knew that the whimper would become a bloodcurdling shriek if I didn't get moving. I must've startled Rapunzel, or maybe the baby woke her, because she sat up. Turning, I whispered, "Go back to sleep, baby. I'll take care of her." I put a hand on her shoulder and eased her back down. She gave me a sweet little smile that made my stomach feel funny (in a good way), rolled over, and then she was out. Complete with little snores - I kid you not.
I turned back to the task at hand. It was Hallie that was going to raise a ruckus. I picked her up and carried her out to the 'deck' and then wandered around back and forth, till she went back to sleep. I might have woken up one of the dolls from Merida's shelf, because I think I saw someone peek over the edge before retreating back to the shelf.
And then I stopped walking, and Hallie started to huff. Oh boy..I started pacing back and forth again, and started humming to her. Eventually she quieted down. Then I went back and laid her down beside Allie, trying not to wake either one of them. Jase stirred, and I put a hand on her shoulder until she started breathing deeply, as if she were asleep again.
And right now I can't go to sleep. I have Allie right now, because she was fussing, and decided to type on here for awhile, or until she fell asleep. Since this is such a huge post, she's definitely out cold. So I guess I better go put her back and try to catch some z's before the next catastrophe strikes :D Talk to you all soon, either me or Rapunzel (probably Rapunzel).
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