Hey everyone...sorry the blog's been silent since I don't know when.
Hallie has been doing her best to wear us all out, and has therefore been dubbed Miss Screams A Lot. Which she does. Scream. A LOT.
Anyway...by Monday, we were all pretty frazzled. And try as I might, Alexis still wasn't budging on warming up to me.
I'd hardly gotten any sleep Sunday night, and I know Rapunzel hadn't gotten much either, because Hallie cried almost nonstop all night long. So Monday, I was a little short.
But we went through our normal activities. Try to socialize with Alexis, talk and play with Jase, calm Hallie down, shout to be heard over her cries.
By evening, I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open.
When my wife approached me with the idea of going on a walk and talk, I refused.
That's fine, right?
She continued to offer that we wouldn't have to walk in order to talk. Normally, I'd chuckle at that...but not today.
"Not right now, okay...can't it wait for later?"
"It's important."
"We'll talk tomorrow or some time when I can actually-" Hallie started to cry louder, and I raised my voice. "-hear myself think."
"But it's-"
What under the blue sky would be so important right now?? "No, okay? Can't you catch a hint?!" I snapped.
"Do you want to go take a nap? You sound like you need a nap. Big time. I can watch Hall-"
Good grief. I was on the verge of a headache, and she was randomly telling me to do stuff?
"No. I am fine. Just l-" I broke off before I could finish my sentence - Just leave me alone, okay? - because I figured it wasn't worth the effort.
I stood from the wicker chair to go pick up Hallie, since my wife obviously wasn't interested in picking her up...and she jumped in front of me.
"What's wrong?" I caught a glimpse of her concerned expression before I silently shoved past her to get to Hallie. If she couldn't figure it out on her own, I didn't feel the need to spell it out for her.
When I turned back around, Hallie in tow, she was not waiting for me as I had expected.
I hate to admit that I felt slightly relieved that she wasn't going to keep after me about it.
Finally, Hallie quieted down and went to sleep.
When I laid her down, I turned to give Rapunzel a victorious expression despite my tiredness, and I finally realized she wasn't on the dresser anymore.
It dawned on me how I had sounded two hours earlier, and I gasped.
"Merida..have you seen Rapunzel?"
She shrugged and I got a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach.
"Aw, no." I breathed, my heart pounding out of my chest. "Watch the kids, please?"
"Sure," she quirked a brow, but I didn't stay to explain.
I leaped off of the dresser and half ran, half jumped, and half tumbled off of the bed. I couldn't see her anywhere.
Theories rolled in my mind, tumbling over one another, combining into all the same horrible scenario: What if she was gone?
What if she'd fallen off of the dresser? What if she'd ran away because of my rotten attitude? What if something had happened and Tangled Fan had taken her away? What if she ran away and I would never find her again and she'd hate me if I would find her? What if....what if.
All feelings of tiredness vanished and I could hardly feel the worried tears streaking my face.
Finally, I heard sobs.
I raced towards them, and soon found my wife.
Her face was covered with trembling hands, and by the looks of things, she'd been crying a good while.
I gasped and I ran towards her. I wanted to grab her up, spin her around, and kiss her in relief, but I took one look at her and knew that would NOT be happening.
So I simply apologized. Repeatedly.
She wouldn't even look at me, and when she did, she gave me a cold stare, precisely saying that she never acted in the manner that I had, even when she was tired.
I reached to touch her cheek out of habit, and she jerked vehemently away from my hand. I froze with surprise, but then let my hand drop.
"I know, honey...I truly am so sorry, and I feel horrible about it..." I told her, frantically searching her face, praying she'd forgive me. I tried to catch her eyes, but she looked down and refused to look at me. I tried hugging her, and it was like hugging a frozen brick - hard, unforgiving, and emotionless.
Boy, had I done it this time.
I finally cleared my throat and gently cupped her chin in my hand, but I didn't make any move to pull her face up to look at me. She loosed a huge, shuddering sigh that stabbed at my heart - what had she done to deserve how upset she obviously was? That's right. She'd married me. Why did I have to be such a...dimwit? Idiot? Insert name here...be creative, readers.
But then she finally took those beautiful eyes of hers and looked up at me.
"W-wil you forgive me? I'm so-" I started to apologize, but she broke me off.
"I know. You've told me - what, three-four times already?" Her pink lips jerked in a second-long, small smile.
"And I'd say it again. I'm sorry." I locked my eyes on hers, and it dawned on me how lucky I was to have her. "And I love you so, so much." I knew if I tried to kiss her, it would be too soon and she'd likely be mad or think I was trying to make her forgive me quicker or whatever....when all I wanted was to comfort her and to let her know I meant the words I said. After a couple of minutes, I realized I was still staring at her, her face in my hands. I released her face and averted my eyes from hers. "Um - anyway -you wanted to talk?"
She gave a small shrug, her face going cold once more and she slid down the side of the dresser to pull her legs up to her chin and wrap her arms around herself.
I considered pulling her close and just sitting there with her, but I didn't want to move too fast. So I just watched her with concern until she finally spilled it all.
"I want to get the adoption rolling for Alexis so we don't wait till it's too late like we did the last time. But I asked Alexis, and she said she didn't even CARE! How exactly do I know what she'd prefer? I don't want to make her live anywhere she doesn't want to live...but it's not like I don't want her as part of the family, either! What do you think we should do with her? And do you feel comfortable enough to go forward with an adoption? But what if she doesn't like us, yet she tells us she wants to be adopted by us, anyway? But I'm just...afraid we'll adopt her and she won't be happy here, or...I dunno."
I had to think awhile on that one. Basically, I felt like an idiot for thinking this wasn't important. And I did think that Alexis needed to have a say in the adoption as well, and that we should talk to her. So I told her all of that.
When we were done talking, she sniffled, rubbed at her nose, and I watched her every move. Finally, I asked if she minded if I put an arm around her.
She shook her head, and I gave her a gentle kiss in the hair. She shut her eyes and gave another shuddery sigh, laying her head on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry baby...so, so sorry." I whispered, willing my voice not to crack as I realized how deeply my words had cut. I rested my cheek on top of her head.
"I know." She mumbled, and then we sat in total silence.
The silence was pretty nice, though. No screaming, nothing. Just peace and quiet.
After a good while, though, she gave yet another sigh and I pulled my head up off of hers.
I stared down at her, carefully pushing her hair from her face. When I was done with that, I took her chin in my hand and pulled it up so she would look me in the eye.
"Forgive me?" I asked cautiously.
"Yes, Flynn. I forgave you awhile ago. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be sitting here and talking,"
Well, true. "True..." I chuckled. "Shall we go back up to face the music?"
"Face the screaming, you mean. It's - getting dark?" She finally looked around and realized it was getting dark.
I told her she'd been gone for a couple of hours before I'd even gone to look for her.
She gave me a wide-eyed stare and then jumped up, offering a hand out to me.
She must've really forgiven me, then, if she had just offered her hand to me. I tried to suppress a relieved smile and then I accepted it.
When we got back to the dresser, everyone was asleep. Even Hallie. Wow. We must've been gone for a good long while for THAT to have happened!
Rapunzel groaned when she realized we wouldn't get to talk with Alexis tonight.
"Tomorrow's another day." I reassured her. "I just hope Hallie sleeps through the night!"
"Isn't THAT for sure..." she said, and I went to go under our bench; she made a quick pitstop - to brush her hair out, probably.
Whilst I waited for her, I thought about how much she really meant to me. And how quickly I could lose her - how I could've lost her today, just because I had been a thoughtless jerk! The more I thought of that, the more I felt like I needed to have her close to me tonight...Velcro Flynn? You bet. Even if it was sixty some degrees and muggy out, even in this early September night.
After several minutes, she came back and sprawled all over the place. She flopped a leg down hard across both of mine, and I couldn't help but chuckle at her tossing herself down onto the dresser.
She took it the wrong way, looking down and seeing her leg across mine. She jerked away and then rolled to look at me, half-sitting.
"Sorry!" She whispered, wide-eyed.
"That's fine," I mirrored her position and looking at her. "Too warm?"
"Yep."
I nodded, studying her pretty face for a few seconds before I reached to put a hand on her face and pull her close into a kiss, slippig my hand down on her chin the whole time.
When I finally pulled away, she gave me a shaky smile.
"W-what happened about being so tired and everything?" she randomly asked.
I half-teased. "You happened." I said, grinning at her. Her face turned a lovely shade of pink through the darkness, and she rolled her eyes at me.
I decided to give her another kiss - yeah, I know...I'm a nutcase.
But before I could touch her, she turned her face away. "You just kissed me, what - five seconds ago?"
I made a silly excuse. "Well...we haven't kissed all day long..." I attempted a puppy-dog pout and she shoved my chest, grinning.
"If you hadn't have been so snippy, I would've given you a few."
I immediately felt bad all over again. "Yeah, I know..I'm s-"
She pressed a finger to my lips.
"If you say that ONE MORE TIME..."
How could I resist that? "Sorry." I mumbled around her finger before I kissed it. She pulled it away from me and gave me her classic head-shaking eye roll. "But really, one more kiss never killed anybody...."
She laughed quietly. "You truly are pathetic, you know?"
Yes. I did know. I knew perfectly well. But it was making her laugh, and that's all I cared about.
"Yes, I know."
She quirked a brow, and then the next thing I knew, she was kissing me. I sharply inhaled through my nose in surprise, and then I lost my balance on my one arm and fell over backwards.
It was a slightly dramatic, teasing kiss, but it also held a hint of sweetness in it as well. I was just a little embarrassed that I was flat on my back, though. But then I decided I should enjoy it - even if it WAS kind of meant to tease me...so I put an arm around her tiny waist and held her close, and then I wondered if she could feel my heart pounding. This heart-pounding was substantially better than the heart-pounding I experienced when I realized she was gone earlier today. I fully enjoyed this heart-pounding. :D
She finally pulled her lips away, then dove in for another peck, and I fully intended to kiss her back at that one, but she pulled away too fast.
My wife stared down at my face, a goofy look on her face. I didn't need to even fake the broad smile that crossed my face, but I couldn't think of anything to say, so I rubbed my hand on her back for a few seconds before she sat up, chuckling at me.
"Surprised much?" I could see the mischievous glint in her eye.
"Oh, but it's a good surprised..." I told her.
"It would be awkward if getting a kiss from your spouse wasn't a good surprise." she countered with a cute, quiet laugh.
Well, thank goodness. She wasn't still angry with me. "All anger has washed away, I see....see? Kissing is good for you."
"Says you!" she rolled her eyes and scooted away to flop down on her back, tossing her arms up over her head.
"Yup...says me." I told her before finally sweeping over to kiss her.
She sat up suddenly while I was kissing her, so I pulled away until I could sit up as well, and then I pulled her back into another kiss, hoping I could convey that I really was sorry and that I really did love her as much as I said I did. Her hands shook as she reached to wrap her thin arm around me, and I finally pulled her close with one arm. Despite the warmth of the environment outside, and the mugginess, I needed to have her close to me. I don't know why, but I just felt like I needed to. I put another hand on the back of her head, and she leaned a little closer to me.
Eventually, much as I hated to, I ended the kiss and bumped my forehead up against hers for a moment. Then, I picked my head up enough to see her face, which was the most sweet color of red. I don't think anyone could have ever worn it better :D.
She also wore a stunned, wide-eyed and yet dreamy expression.
"What?" I asked her, chuckling.
"Huh? Oh. Uhmmm.."
I grinned for a second at her fumbling, before I went straightfaced and tossed her line back at her. "Surprised much?"
"Oh, but it's a good surprised." She laughed through her nose and threw it right back at me.
How could one possibly love anyone so much it hurts? Feeling love wasn't supposed to hurt. Or drive you crazy. Woops.
I leaned close to her face and whispered an I love you and told her that I'd never realized how much she'd meant to me until now.
"I love you too, honey." She whispered and then she pulled away from my arms and laid down on her back. I did the same and felt around until I found one of her hands, holding it until I went to sleep.
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