Hallie is still crying plenty, and we've both been getting up a lot through the night with her. I think we're both starting to get pretty worn down from it, but what else could we do? We can't let her lay there and cry. Anyway..on top of all of this, Alexis STILL has not warmed up to anyone yet.
So Monday was interesting, once more. All day, I'd considered whether I should ask Tangled Fan about adopting Alexis, or if Alexis even liked it here! I wished I knew. So finally, I pulled Merida aside and asked her what her opinion was.
"What do you think we should do about Alexis? I mean, I love that poor little girl, but at the same time, she's...I dunno. She doesn't seem to like it here. I want to officially adopt her soon, so nothing happens like the last time we fostered...but I don't want to make her live somewhere she doesn't want to live at. Who knows, maybe she'd prefer to live in a box up in the attic, which is where she'd be at."
"I think that ye should maybe try talkin' to her, and see if she'll open up to ye a bit and let'cha know what she wants. Then ya have to deal with yer husband over there...not sure who'd be easier to ask."
"Flynn." I laughed. "Alexis is just so horribly shy. But thanks...that is a good idea. I suppose I should go talk with her?"
"Good luck..." Merida glanced towards Hallie, who had started to cry, and then looked back over to me. "Someday, we'll go on a girl's day out. Someday soon, I hope!"
"I hope that someday soon, miss Hallie will be back to her old self! But yes, that sounds like an excellent plan."
I gave her a smile and made my way towards Alexis.
"Hey, sweetie. Mind if I talk to you about something?"
"No," she glanced up at me.
I sat down beside her and pulled her up into my lap so I could give her a cuddle. "This is an important question, and I want to let you know that we love you very much. Ah...I wanted to let Tangled Fan know that we'd make the adoption official, but I wanted to ask you first. Do you like it here? I want what's best for you, naturally, but I don't want you to...to feel uncomfortable living with us, if you don't like it here."
She thought for a few minutes before turning her head up to me. "It doesn't matter. I've gone back to live in the box in the attic before, and I've lived under piles of junk in Tangled Fan's closet before, too. So I can do that as well as I can live here."
Oookay...
"So it...doesn't even matter to you?" I asked.
She shrugged and shook her head silently.
"Okay. Well, I'll talk with Daddy. Thank you for your input."
She gave me a silent nod and I let her scoot off of my lap to resume whatever she'd been doing.
I went over to Jase and asked her what she thought.
"I'd love to have her as a sis, Momma. We might have our spats and stuff, but I like her. Sorry about the other day..." she gave me an adorably embarrassed smile.
"That's fine. Thank you! I'm gonna go talk with Daddy now."
"Okay," she gave me another smile and I left.
Flynn was sitting on the wicker chair when I came over to him.
"Hey, hon," I stood behind the wicker chair so I could lean over it and give him a kiss on the cheek. "Want to go for a walk?"
"Not right now, exactly.." was his reply.
"Well...could we at least go somewhere else to talk? We don't have to walk in order to talk."
If anything, that dumb joke would make him chuckle, right?
Wrong.
"Not right now, okay...can't it wait for later?" I could hear the edge in his voice sharpening as we spoke. I knew he was probably tired out, but so was I, and I didn't act short with anyone. Had I?
"It's important."
"We'll talk tomorrow or some time when I can actually-" Hallie started to cry more, and he raised his voice. "-hear myself think."
"But it's-"
"No, okay? Can't you catch a hint?"
I sucked in a deep breath in surprise at his snippy comment, and then I felt the sting of tears pricking my eyes. But before I went all in the defensive about it, I made an attempt to be nice to him.
"Do you want to go take a nap? You sound like you need a nap. Big time. I can watch Halli-"
"No. I am fine. Just l-"
Just leave me alone? Was that what he'd been about to say, before he broke off?
He stood, and I tried to stop him and ask him what the matter was, but he just brushed past me to go get Hallie.
I stared at him for a few seconds, but then the tears started to get the better of me. I fled off of the dresser, and off of Tangled Fan's bed. I couldn't let Alexis see me cry. I couldn't let anyone see me cry.
Once I was on the floor, I ran to the side of the dresser that was closest to the door to the room.
I leaned up against the dresser and finally loosed a sob. Within minutes, my whole body was shaking from tears. Tears, and anger. That had been completely uncalled for. Why had he been so snippy at me? I mean, really! I never get that bad when I'm tired. Do I? I try not to, anyway...
I covered my face with my hands and sobbed for I don't know how long...until I heard rapid footsteps coming my way.
I went silent, and waited for the footsteps to get closer. They did. Fear took over my whole body, and I spread my fingers apart so I could peer out of them.
Flynn.
With a gasp, he ran towards me. I dropped my hands from my face and grumbled, "Oh. It's you."
His face was filled with remorse and worry, but I wouldn't let him get to me. I turned my head away and refused to look at him.
"Oh, honey..I am so, so sorry. I didn't...I shouldn't have said any of that...It's no excuse that I'm tired. I should've never treated you that way, and I am so sorry, baby. Once Hallie had quieted down and I'd gotten her to take a nap, I realized what I'd said and that you weren't up on the dresser anymore. And that's when I started searching for you. I am so, so, so sorry...I love you so much and I never should have acted that way and I'm sorry." His voice was choked up, and he put his hands on my shoulders. From the corner of my eye, I could see his face was tear streaked.
"I never act that way when I am tired." I finally met his eyes to give him a stare, and I said it with as much cold precision as I could muster.
His forehead wrinkled, and he put a tender hand on my cheek. I turned quickly away from it, and his hand froze in midair for a few seconds before he let it drop. He took in a ragged breath.
"I know, honey...I truly am so sorry, and I feel horrible about it." his brown eyes searched my face, but I looked down. He tried to pull me close into a hug, but I stayed stiff as a board and unrelenting.
He cleared his throat, and took my chin in his hand. I took in a deep, shuddery breath and I finally met his eyes. They were so full of sorrow and remorse that I fought for my own composure.
"W-will you forgive me? I'm so-"
"I know. You've told me...what, three, four times already?" I allowed my lips to twitch in a quick, small smile.
He took his other hand to brush the hair from my face and then cupped my face in both of his hands.
"And I'd say it again. I'm sorry. And I love you so, so much." he held my eyes in a gaze that I couldn't pull away from. After a few minutes of silence, he suddenly released his gaze and my face.
"Um...anyway..you wanted to talk?"
I shrugged, sliding down the side of the dresser to sit, pulling my knees up to my chin and wrapping my arms around my legs.
He sat down beside me and watched me until I finally spilled it.
I told him everything about my conversation with Alexis, and about why I wanted to get a move on with the adoption. "But I'm just...afraid we'll adopt her and she won't be happy here, or..I dunno." I finally finished, burying my head in my knees.
He was silent for so long that I glanced up to make sure he was still there. "I think...I think we should talk with Alexis and try to see what she really wants, and then we can talk to Tangled Fan from there on out. I'm fine with adopting her, and I'd like to add her to our family, but I feel the same way as you do. And I'm sorry I didn't find this important enough to talk about."
"You didn't know what I was going to talk about. But yeah, we could talk with Alexis. Although I'd doubt if she'd even open up and say anything...but we might be surprised." I said, my upset-ness finally washing away.
I sniffled and rubbed at my nose, deciding I shouldn't need to cry anymore, and he stared at me.
"Mind if I-" he pantomined putting an arm around me, and I silently nodded.
He did so, and then kissed my hair. I squeezed my eyes shut and released a shuddery sigh. I rested my head on his shoulder and he laid his head on top of mine. "I'm sorry, baby...so, so sorry." He whispered, and I mumbled that I knew.
We just sat there for a while, and I didn't know about him, but I was enjoying the peace and quiet.
Eventually, though, I opened my eyes and gave another tired, reluctant sigh. He lifted his head and looked at me, smoothing my hair gently from my face before he trailed his hand down my face to my chin, pulling it up so I would look him in the eye.
"Forgive me?"
"Yes, Flynn; I forgave you awhile ago. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be sitting here and talking." I told him.
"True," he chuckled quietly. "Shall we go back up to face the music?"
"Face the screaming, you mean. It's...getting dark?"
"Yeah. You'd been gone for probably a good couple of hours until I finally found you."
"I really was?" I gave him a wide-eyed stare and jumped up. "Oh, gosh...!"
I offered a hand to him, and he accepted it, trying to suppress a broad smile, and even after he'd used it to stand, he didn't let go of it.
We hurried back to the dresser, but everyone else was already in bed.
"Guess we won't be talking with Alexis tonight..." I groaned.
"Tomorrow's another day..I just hope Hallie sleeps through the night."
"Isn't that for sure." I replied. He released my hand and went to bed, but I went to brush my hair out first.
When I finally did crawl under the bench, I sprawled my legs out. It was humid tonight...last burst of hot weather before fall, I suppose.
When Flynn chuckled to himself, I looked down and realized one of my legs was tossed across his. Horrified, I jerked it off and rolled over onto my side, propping myself up and looking at him. "Sorry!"
"That's fine," His eyes trailed down all my hair. "Too warm?"
"Yep," I said.
He nodded and studied my face for a few moments before he reached over to pull me into a warm, gentle kiss, keeping my chin in his hand. My heart skipped along quickly to the tenderness of it, and when he pulled away, I gave him a smile, realizing my hands were shaky.
Good grief...My hands. Were shaky. And I've only been married to this guy...what, two months this Thursday?! Gosh.
"What happened about being so tired and everything?" I asked, scrambling for something to distract myself.
"You happened," he gave me his classic grin. Well, that'd be an excellent help for the shaking hands.
I rolled my eyes and when he started to lean close again, I turned away. "You just kissed me, what? Five seconds ago?"
"Well...we haven't kissed all day long..." He gave me his best puppy-dog face, and I gave his chest a playful shove.
"If you hadn't have been so snippy, I would've given you a few."
His face changed from playful and teasing to remorse in seconds. "Yeah, I know..I'm s-"
I put a finger to his lips. "If you say that one more time..."
"Sorry," he muttered through my finger, and then gave my finger a kiss. I withdrew it from his face and rolled my eyes, shaking my head at him. "But really...one more kiss never killed anybody..."
I laughed. "You truly are pathetic, you know?"
"Yes, I know."
I quirked a brow, thinking about how to tease back. Finally, I just suddenly leaned forward and thrust myself at him in a kiss. He breathed in sharply and toppled onto his back, but I stuck with him, giving him a slightly overdramatic kiss. He draped an arm around me and held me close, and when I pulled away, I dove in to give him a second, quick little peck before I pulled back to see his expression. I could see in the darkness how red his cheeks were, but he gave me a gleeful smile, rubbing my back a few seconds before I pulled away to sit back up, chuckling at his loss for words.
"Surprised much?"
"Oh, but it's a good surprised." His smile had yet to fade as he scooted back upright.
"It would be awkward if getting a kiss from your spouse wasn't a good surprise." I laughed quietly. "All anger has washed away, I see. See, kissing is good for you."
"Says you," I rolled my eyes, flopping down onto my back and crossing my arms up over my head.
"Yup. Says me." He leaned over and gave me another large smile before he bent to give me a sweet, passionate kiss. If my hands were shaky before..! I sat up, and he pulled away long enough to sit up himself before continuing. I hesitantly reached to wrap one of my arms around him, and he pulled me close with one arm, and the other hand he put on the back of my head. My heart was speeding like a freight train by the time he finally parted his lips reluctantly from mine, bumping his forehead up against mine. He pulled his head up to look at me, but he didn't move his arms an inch, and I just stared up at his eyes. I wasn't sure what to make out of a kiss that was that passionate and yet so...I dunno.
"What?" He finally asked, chuckling at me.
"Huh?" I asked, snapping out of my thoughts. "Oh. Uhhmmm..." I made a few helpless jerks with my mouth, trying to make words come out,and a grin spread across his face.
"Surprised much?" He said, straightfaced, before resuming his grin.
"Oh, but it's a good surprised." I laughed through my nose. "No, really."
Flynn leaned close to me again and whispered. "I love you, my precious wife. I never knew how much you mean to me now until I couldn't find you earlier today."
Aha. So that's why he was so lovey-dovey tonight. He'd thought he'd lost me. But nonetheless, I returned an I love you and then I pulled away from his arms to lay down.
He did as well, finding and holding my hand loosely before he gave a satisfied exhale and was asleep. And as for me? I was out cold in a few minutes.
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